Popping the Cherry

I hope my first time is as sweet and sensual as it has been in my head.

I recently turned 30 and realized I'm, at the very least, half way to death. I had to find a way to record every single useless rambling that I have for all the future world to read, so that they will know that I am the master of all that is retarded. I will misspell shit, I will use bad grammar, and I will probably write a few of these naked. There is no goal I am trying to reach. I don't have a story to tell. My sole purpose is to entertain myself. I like to talk about poop. I make fun of retards. Beastiality makes me laugh. I know a guy who beats off in the shower, its not me though, I swear. I know several people who have shit themselves, one of whom threw his underwear behind the toilet at McDonald's. I have seen a man get dropped on his head and not spill his beer. I have stepped on someones balls. I have eaten a dog biscuit. I make fun of speech impediments. And one time, my wife jerked me off so hard she ripped my dick.

Any of that sound interesting? if so check back.